How the Garfield Halloween Special got me in trouble
Okay, so, here is some background information:
1) I was the kind of nerdy kid who often wore Halloween costumes based on characters of my own design. When I was…I dunno, nine, probably? I went as a character I had “created” (i.e. largely ripped off) called Ferocious Man. He was the superhero alter ego of a character based on myself featured in comic strips I drew in 4th grade that were “heavily influenced by” Calvin and Hobbes. Ferocious Man was, obviously, Stupendous Man. He was meant to have a cape and cowl just like Stupendous Man, except purple (my favorite color as a kid) instead of maroon. My mom couldn’t work out what I meant by a hood that exposed the mouth, so the hood she sewed was more or less just a pillow case with eyeholes in it. Also, she couldn’t find the deep royal purple I was hoping for in a fabric, so instead the cape and hood were more a dark, dull grey.
2) For most of my childhood I did not go trick or treating. True Benito fans know I spent most of my childhood being nearly murdered by a series of ghosts at a haunted church, and Halloween was no different. We did not have Halloween. We had church-sanctioned “fall festivals,” which mostly included dressing up as things that had not ever been previously dead (no, not even Jesus, you wiseacres) and getting small pieces of candy in exchange for playing games that were literally impossible to lose.
3) There is a scene in the Garfield Halloween special in which Garfield terrifies Odie by telling him Halloween has its origins in the ancient druidic festival of “Saman, the Lord of Death.”
So, the Halloween I was nine years old, I was milling around the church grounds, bouncing from game to game, and I was rapidly tiring of explaining to everyone I came across who I was dressed as. “It’s a character I made up,” I said again and again. “A superhero. Named Ferocious Man.” After an hour or two of repeating this every few minutes, a mischievous caprice came over me.
"Oh!" they would say. "Who are you supposed to be?"
"I’m Saman," I said, pulling my dark grey executioner’s hood down over my face. "The Lord of Death."
Guys, when you are nine years old and bored of a Halloween, do not tell a dozen people at a church that you are Saman, Lord of Death. Your mom will find out and she will beat the shit out of you.
Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf
If you’re not already excited about Rob Cantor you will be now.
You know sometimes the way the news is lately leaves me feeling a little hopeless, but then something like this comes along and my wonder and delight in humanity is restored a smidge.
It moves me to tears.
Scientists examine a 15-year-old girl who lived in the Inca Empire, then was sacrificed and remained frozen for 500 years….
Unearthed in 1999 from the 22,000-foot summit of Mount Llullaillaco, a volcano 300 miles west of here near the Chilean border, their frozen bodies were among the best preserved mummies ever found, with internal organs intact, blood still present in the heart and lungs, and skin and facial features mostly unscathed. No special effort had been made to preserve them. The cold and the dry, thin air did all the work. They froze to death as they slept, and 500 years later still looked like sleeping children, not mummies.
This is “the maiden” and she is extraordinary. After a CAT scan or two it was determined that she had tuberculosis. Do you know what this means?!?!? It means that tuberculosis was a preexisting condition and not initially brought over to the Americas by Europeans. WOW